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Resident Evil: Afterlife
Milla Jovovich, Ali Larter
Why does Hollywood continue to make Resident Evil movies? Who troubles themselves with such questions when confronted yet again with the leggy wonderfulness of a pants challenged Jovovich? Not us, certainly. Rumor has it that Jovovich’s character, Alice, an apocalypse survivor, is cloned several times for this 3-D sequel—again, we have no problem with this. Also returning for more zombie splatteration is Obsessed’s Larter. You really don’t need to have seen previous installments. Just know that in the future, former runway models stride the plague ridden planet armed with killer scowls and a small battalion’s worth of weaponry.
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Robert Rodriguez’s over-the-top Mexploitation flick, Machete, is sure to outrage all parties with its take on immigration law.
Machete
Danny Trejo, Robert De Niro, Jessica Alba, Lindsay Lohan, Cheech Marin, Michelle Rodriguez, Don Johnson, Steven Seagal
They just fucked with the wrong Mexican!” growls the narrator in “Machete,” the action-packed fake trailer leading off the 2007 Quentin Tarantino–Robert Rodriguez flick, Grindhouse—and can we please now admit that this two-minute segment was the best thing in the whole movie?

Robert Rodriguez is no idiot. He heard the cheers for that “trailer,” and now he’s made it into a full-length feature starring ultimate badass Trejo. We have no doubt it will exceed the laugh-out-loud lunacy of that 2007 segment. (An updated trailer, released near the time of the Arizona immigration-law flare-up, nearly broke the internet.) The inspiration here is the subgenre of crummy low-budget exploitation pictures that used to keep Chuck Norris in headbands. Trejo’s strapping former Federale, desperate for cash, is framed for a botched political assassination and goes on a violent rampage. The film may be an homage to trashy B movies of yore, but the cast is A-list all the way, including De Niro as the backstabbing senatorial bad guy and a bevy of beauties sure to grab audience attention should it wander: Alba, Rose McGowan, Rodriguez, and—most enjoyably—Lohan in a nun’s habit. Perfect.
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Piranha 3-D
Elisabeth Shue, Adam Scott, Christopher Lloyd, Richard Dreyfuss, Ving Rhames
These days, we’re supposed to ooh and aah at the artfulness of 3-D, especially post-Avatar. But give us a snaggletoothed lake monster leaping out of the screen and at our throats and we’ll be equally happy. The summer’s last gasp of dumb could very well be its most ridiculously enjoyable, directed by French horror expert Alexandre Aja (The Hills Have Eyes) and filled to the gills with bikini-clad fish bait. Commandeering the rescue mission is former A-lister Shue, aided and abetted by Lloyd (apparently reprising his Dr. Emmett Brown role from Back to the Future). Jaws oceanographer Dreyfuss has a cameo. We’ll take the bait.
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Scott Pilgrim vs. the World
Michael Cera, Mary Elizabeth Winstead, Kieran Culkin
Getting tired of sensitive wussyman Cera? Us too. But this just might be the comedy that redeems him in the eyes of the nonwhipped. Cera’s title character, a wannabe Toronto rocker, is desperately pursuing a girl named Ramona (Final Destination 3’s hottie Winstead). But to win her heart, he has to go mano a mano with Ramona’s last seven exes in brutal tests of fighting prowess and mental savvy. Naturally, the idea comes from a comic book; Shaun of the Dead director Edgar Wright is almost guaranteed to deliver hyperactive hilarity.
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The Expendables
Sylvester Stallone, Dolph Lundgren, Jet Li, Mickey Rourke, Bruce Willis
Sprung from an eighties teen’s Survivor-scored fantasy, this men-on-amission action movie stars—we kid you not—all of the above, along with Ahnold himself. That’s right, the sitting governor of the state of California will appear in a Sly Stallone flick this summer. Hell and yes. Initial reports describe a vibe similar to Inglourious Basterds, but with less witty repartee and more leaping in front of fireballs. No word yet on whether the MPAA conducted on-set testing for PEDs, but we’re guessing no. That might have eliminated half the cast.
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Cyrus
Jonah Hill, John C. Reilly, Marisa Tomei
A freshly shorn Hill clicks over from awkward-funny (see Superbad, and all those Judd Apatow comedies) to downright creepyfunny in this winning indie comedy. Single mother Tomei (as smoking-hot as ever) is back on the dating market, and Reilly, a sadsack divorcé who charms her at a party, becomes her unexpected lover. But Reilly must soon deal with Hill, Tomei’s live-in twenty something son, who isn’t quite ready to let them be happy. The battle of wits that ensues echoes Reilly’s Step Brothers, and expertly walks the line between disturbing and funny.
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Dinner for Schmucks
Steve Carrell, Paul Rudd, Zach Galifianakis
Carell is almost always a welcome on-screen presence, especially if he’s being supremely awkward in a suit and tie, or specs and a pocket protector. But rumor has it that he’s out-doofused even himself in this black comedy about an ambitious exec (Rudd) who must impress his mean-spirited boss by excelling at a strange game: bringing the most ridiculous guest to a private party. Rudd’s guest is, of course, our 40-year-old virgin, Carell (Galifianakis plays one of the other awkward guests). Imagine Peter Sellers turned loose at the real estate firm from Glengarry Glen Ross, and you’re close.
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Get Low
Robert Duvall, Bill Murray, Sissy Spacek
To us, Duvall will always be Apocalypse Now’s Lieutenant Colonel Kilgore, striding the battlefield and smelling napalm in the morning. But he’s also one of the greatest actors in America (still), and this golden-years turn as a rural hermit should remind everyone of his gifts. Duvall plays a bushy-bearded misanthrope who lopes out of the woods, still on Depression-era time, to make his own funeral arrangements. (A version of this story actually happened.) Duvall commands every frame, even with such heavy-hitters as Murray and Spacek in the cast. Let the Oscar race begin.
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Inception
Leonardo DiCaprio, Ellen Page, Marion Cotillard, Joseph Gordon-Levitt
Once in a blue moon, Hollywood can function like the biggest, craziest art studio on the planet. Whenever a director with a specific vision and enough clout to realize it his way comes along, that is. Such is the case with Christopher Nolan’s hush-hush follow-up to The Dark Knight. After becoming the $600-million man, Nolan earned the right to call any play he liked. Here’s what he chose: a hugely expensive high-tech thriller starring DiCaprio, Ken Watanabe, and Juno’s Page. The project is very much under wraps, but we don’t expect anything as simple as a mere action movie. Among the few secrets that have leaked: The premise involves corporate espionage and mental invasion. Nolan has said it’s about “the world of dreams and the interior of the human mind.” When you rifle through Nolan’s résumé—including the backward-mind-fuck Memento, Dark Knight, and the underrated The Prestige—you can’t help but get excited at the idea of this guy working with both artistic freedom and an unlimited budget.
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Jonah Hex
Megan Fox, Josh Brolin, John Malkovich
If the Megan Fox Moment is not over yet, it’s getting close. But who knows? Maybe Fox’s top billing here, as a gun-toting prostitute, will prolong her time in the sun. Hex is an action flick based on a DC Comics series that only geeks know about. The title character will be played by No Country for Old Men’s Brolin, and director Jimmy Hayward—despite his back ground in children’s films (he directed Horton Hears a Who!)—will not stint on the gunplay. The undead are also involved. If nonstop violence bores you, there’s always a manic Malkovich as the villain, and a score by Mastodon that’s sure to rattle teeth.
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The A-Team
Liam Neeson, Bradley Cooper, Jessica Biel, Quinton “Rampage” Jackson
A big-screen version of this ridiculous—and sometimes ridiculously entertaining—eighties TV series has been gestating for more than a decade now, with uncertain actors lobbing it around like a live hand grenade. Hollywood may have ended up with the ideal squad—and a smart, indie director, Smokin’ Aces’ Joe Carnahan, to lead the charge. Resurrecting B. A. Baracus—made iconic by Mr. T back in the day—is UFC fighter Jackson, who has a chance to make a huge impression on viewers who don’t know him. And check out the rest of these soldiers of fortune: Neeson as John “Hannibal” Smith, District 9’s bug-eyed Sharlto Copley as “How ling Mad” Murdock, and The Hangover’s Cooper as wisecracking Templeton “Face man” Peck. Last and the polar oppo site of least is the curvaceous Biel, who joined the project late and will play captain Charisa Sosa. Studio execs may be loving it when this plan—and its A-list cast—comes together.
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The coolest, most essential, most unusual flicks of the season.
Summer is traditionally the time for big, empty popcorn movies, but the season has been known to deliver more subtle, even unusual, pleasures—and this year there’s a bumper crop of them. Here, in chronological order as of press time, are the top-ten flicks to see this summer, or risk having nothing to say when that curvy new receptionist brings them up at the water cooler.
Splice
Adrien Brody will try his hand as an action star later this summer in Predators, but first he’ll take time out for this piece of genuine weirdness: a science-run-amok thriller that costars Sarah Polley and one seriously frightening genetic creation. This flick could give The Fly director David Cronenberg the creeps. (June 4)
Winter’s Bone
Critics at Sundance were blown away by this minutely observed slice of rural Ozark life, starring Jennifer Lawrence (in a career-making performance) as a teenager who treks into the wild to find her meth-dealing absentee father. It’s a hillbilly adventure that will linger in the mind long after the bigbudget dreck fades. (June 11)

I Am Love
Between Michael Clayton and her unhinged performance in Julia (worth a rental), Oscar-winner Tilda Swinton has proved she can do anything. So how about getting frequently naked in a riveting Italian sex drama? (June 18)

Cyrus
Every once in a while, some tragically indie director will grow up and deliver an unpretentious, engrossing film worth your time (not to mention your money). Austin’s filmmaking brothers Mark and Jay Duplass arrive with this discomfiting domestic drama about a divorcé (John C. Reilly), his hot new lover (Marisa Tomei), and her paranoid adult son (Jonah Hill), who wants to see his mother’s relationship fail. (July 9)
Inception
Curiosity has been sufficiently stoked for this super secret project—director Christopher Nolan spent all his political capital from The Dark Knight to get it made exactly his way. It stars Leonardo DiCaprio and Ellen Page; at stake, evidently, is the fate of the planet. (July 16)
Dinner for Schmucks
Said schmucks include Steve Carell and Zach Galifianakis as unknowing dupes invited to a swanky party where the most embarrassing guest wins his corporate host a secret prize. Ah, the mean games businessmen play. Imagine The Office with a big dollop of Glengarry Glen Ross. (July 23)

The Adjustment Bureau
You could argue that no author, living or dead, has produced a cooler filmography than the late science fiction writer Philip K. Dick (Blade Runner, Total Recall, A Scanner Darkly). The latest Dick adaptation, a paranoid mystery, stars Matt Damon as a rising politician who starts to question reality after meeting Emily Blunt’s alluring ballerina. (July 30)
Get Low
It’s not too early to start talking 2011 Oscar race—and this character study has the great wild man of American cinema, Robert Duvall, grabbing the baton and running with it. He plays a hairy hermit named Felix Bush—a moonshine-swilling backwoods Tennessean who emerges to plan his own funeral. The story comes from real life; Bill Murray and Sissy Spacek also star. (July 30)

The Expendables
As much as we dug Inglourious Basterds, it could have used, to paraphrase Elvis, a little less conversation and a little more action. So here’s the movie to satisfy that yearning, starring our 2009 Badass Cast of the Year from last year’s annual Badass Issue. Director/star Sylvester Stallone has assembled an action-hero dream team: Arnold, Dolph Lundgren, Jet Li, Jason Statham—the list goes on. The result is mayhem just the way you remember it: juicy, thick, and medium-rare. (August 13)
Lebanon
Much as Das Boot created a powerful claustrophobia within the confines of a single German submarine, this ingenious war drama, a film festival favorite, gets the maximum impact by sealing us inside a single Israeli tank that’s trundling across the border into the war zone. (August 13)
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The Karate Kid
Jackie Chan, Jaden Smith
Why remake a movie that is so beloved, there’s really nowhere to go with it but down? If anyone in Hollywood has an answer, we’re all ears. But we’ll probably see it anyway, just to watch our childhood mem ories get a crane kick to the teeth. Will Smith’s son takes on the Ralph Macchio role, while Chan steps in to Pat Morita’s considerable kung-fu slippers. The action is relocated to Beijing, and the “wax on, wax off” lesson has been tweaked to “jacket on, jacket off.” Chan, who himself submit ted to rigorous training in the awesome Drunken Master films, will train the young Smith for his showdown with local bullies amid glorious Chinese settings.
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Get Him to the Greek
Russell Brand, Jonah Hill, Sean Combs
Give British funnyman Brand credit: In Forgetting Sarah Marshall, a movie that featured both Mila Kunis and Kristen Bell in a variety of bikinis, he managed to make a riotous impression as libidinous rock star Aldous Snow. The character now gets a semi-sequel, with Hill playing a record-company assistant responsible for transporting Snow from London to an important gig at the Greek Theater in Los Angeles. We’ve got a good feeling about Brand’s unhinged persona blowing up huge this time, and the movie is loaded with cameos from real-life music-biz figures, including Brand’s fiancée, Katy Perry.
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MacGruber
Val Kilmer, Ryan Phillippe,
Will Forte, Kristin Wiig,
Maya Rudolph
You really have to salute the courage behind this Saturday Night Live sketch-turned-movie: If there’s a comic premise that seems to require skit length brevity to work, it’s that of Forte’s MacGyver parody, featuring a hero perpetually tasked with defusing a ticking time bomb—and always distracted. Wiig and Rudolph are the main character’s endangered sidekicks, and Kilmer is a nuclear-bomb-hijacking villain called Dieter von Cunth. Expect a lot of jokes to be milked out of that name, and out of other references to body parts.
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